Hot Damn - Don't call me Ma'am!!

Argh - back to back yesterday...two separate people called me "ma'am" from two totally different backgrounds. Man, what a gut punch as I'm creeping towards 30!!
It doesn't help when she's a cute lil high school student nor when he's an extremely syrupy gray haired Publix manager. Thank you for your politeness but "miss" would be much more receptive. Ma'am makes me feel sooo not cool. I think we should only reserve that word for women over 65. Fair? I think so. By then, I think I will have accepted that I'm probably not a spring chicken anymore & probably not cool anymore either but who knows??? I may have discovered the fountain of youth. Til then, hot damn, don't call me ma'am!

Warm Regards,
BF

You know your a crazy pet owner when....

Oh, how I love seeing little innocent children & pets shamelessly get dressed for the Halloween holiday when they have no control over what is being put over their head & on their tiny little bodies.

Here are a few examples that people submitted to the local paper which means these people could be my neighbors which I love even more - they are kookier than me!!

I wish my cat wasn't so fickle. I guess she knows me too well after I applied the blush to her white cheeks. She runs when I attempt to put anything human on her. Rats! Oh well, I will live vicariously through these fellow pet owners. Enjoy!

PS- look at the pumpkin in the first photo...I guess the Elvis crooner needs practice

It's time to ketchup!!!

This is for all my fellow Americans.

When watching the morning news today, they informed me that the #1 condiment used in the US since 1991 has been "salsa"

Salsa??? What,that's not American? I couldn't believe it.

I mean, I knew I like to eat out alot at Mexican restaurants but I didn't know that so did the whole rest of the United States. I see alot of hotdogs, hamburgers & french fries being consumed so I just assumed it was "ketchup" as it should be. Now that is American. I mean, for pete's sake, every restaurant you go to has ketchup on the table along with salt & pepper. You don't see salsa just sitting there for the taking.

I can't even believe they classify "salsa" as a condiment, this was also news to me. So, does that make cheese dip a condiment too? If so, shouldn't that be free? If so, how amazing that would be. I'd drown my little belly in it.

But, back to being American, I'm starting to campaign for "Ketchup on Tortilla Chips". We need to bring back the staple item to our culture. If ketchup isn't your thing, I will also allow mustard or mayo as a substitute. I will also promote dumping the excess ketchup from your table into your purse, under the table or take it to the bathroom for dumping so it will have to be refilled & eventually if everyone cooperates it should make a big enough impact. However, please be discreet, otherwise the restaurants may no longer leave it on the table for all to indulge in. We don't want to counteract our mission here.

Thank you,
Management

Continuation of "free" on craigslist

I think I am going to continue to post my frequent favorite craiglist category "Free"

Still amused by some of the listings - the time, the effort, the bizarreness!!!

Today contestants....drum roll please

A) Fruity Loops - yep, come get free cereal that a moving company is trying to get rid of since some home owner pawned it off on him.

B) Light Bulb - okay people, I know the economy is bad but the amount of gas it would take you to pick it up would be the same cost of the bulb.

C) Litter Pan - maybe if it was new, but ewww, a used litter pan. I think I would find an old garbage lid or something before resorting to driving to pick up a stinky litter pan preowned, gawd, could you imagine the car ride home, gag!

A story of mime

Oh geez - I had to share this "Bridget Fun Fact" with all

Yesterday someone was talking on the radio about living in Paris,France etc...when I suddenly caught myself not listening to the radio anymore. My mind had drifted back to age 13 when I was with a travel group & we stopped in Paris for a couple days as well as other European countries & cities.

Besides getting stuck in the hotel elevator for hours before the front desk decided to do anything about it & missing the group trip to the Eiffel Tower at night, one of my favorite memories was being chased by a full fledged mime through the streets of Paris. Yep, you heard me right, a real mime literally chased me down the street cussing at me in French. I only knew he was cussing because the translator turned around, covered her ears, then shaking her index finger at him as if to scold him.

Here's how it all went down. We were on a walking sight-seeing tour throughout the city and I noticed for the first time in my life a mime on a box in full black & white costume including the face paint & beret. I couldn't have been in a more movie like situation. He's doing his thing & I stop to watch him for a minute while the rest of the group keeps moving knowing that I could quickly catch up. I don't remember standing there for maybe less than a minute to take it all in since I knew I'd probably never see this again. But as quickly as I could turn my back and start briskly trying to meet up with the rest of the students, I hear a thud, french dialect yelling behind me to see that he has jumped off his box & started to follow me. He's trying to relay something really angerily and being so young I think I either screamed or cried. If I had it to over again, I would have turned around & laughed in his face. Then said, get back to work buddy while pointing at his box only to remind him that he is mime & should not be speaking at all. After consulting with the translator, I guess it is customary to tip any street performers after taking in "their show" whether or not you like it. She did admit that he was being awfully pushy & should not have acted out like that so it was okay to ignore him. I was quickly learning that European & American traditions are completely different! How many times have you been downtown a city and seen a performer to just keep walking.You don't see them chasing women or young girls down the street,do you? I believe that would be called harrassment. I should have filed suit except their police are so corrupt over there it is ridiculous. I learned this in Nice, France. A story for a different time!

Hugs!

2 years seems like forever....

Originally when I started this blog, I was just going to keep it light & frivolous about random funny things I encounter in my day to day life.

However, I noticed that lately I've used it more as an outlet to talk about a vast variety of the things going on.

So, I felt the desire to post a lil dedication about something that still weighs so deeply on my soul.

Tomorrow will be the 2 year marking of my grandma Fagan's passing. We weren't ready to say goodbye since she was so active, animated & dedicated to her family. However, a higher calling decided it was her time to serve the Lord. I just wanted to let her know that we still reminisce about her, miss her & love her dearly.

I've had more than one reader tell me that she is my angel. I believe that too. We shared a close bond over the years we spent together. She would always take care of me when my parents went out of town...cook for me til I was stuffed, make my lunches, drive me to school & make sure I always washed my face. ha! We'd cut grocery coupons together on Sunday mornings, she'd stick up for me when grandpa would get grouchy & yell at me, and so many other wonderful memories. A true gem of a woman. I'm proud to have known her & call her my grandma.

XoXo

Happy Birthday Bridge

I know its a few days late but I wanted it to be my first post of October...keeping in mind that my birthday is the 1st of October. Touche!

Anyways, just another year older but hopefully it will be a good year at best!!

Here's the lovely cake that my lovely beau gave me...or shall I say I threatened him to get it for me!! Mmmm cookies! Only because you can't buy a cake with your own name on it, that's lame. haha

So with that being said he bought be the biggest one they offer, good boy...I couldn't even wait to eat it before I took a picture of it.

Baby Wave....

I hesitated to post this beacuse I wasn't sure if I was just hypersensitive to this situation & that it is a common occurance or if I was the witness to this strange sitaution.

I went with the latter as you can see...

I've recently have taken notice to a string of "baby waves"

Out of nowhere...when I least expect it, there is a random baby staring at me then suddenly waving & smiling like crazy...like I'm Santa Claus or something. I don't know these kids...I'm they are cute little things but I keep wondering - do they do this to every car at every stop light or just me? Do they do this to every young lady on the mall escalator or just me? Not just white ones either...its not like they relate to me or something. Last week it was a little black boy in a car seat that popped up, looked over at me & just started waving. WTF??? Where did that come from...but didn't think much more about it. Then, I went to get my hair done at the mall & a little spanish kid on the escalator holding his moms hand turns around & just starts waving away. I picked up on it this time only because of the recent occurance....still confused though. Then, this morning it was "okay what's going on here" when a little Asian boy in a car seat was staring at me at the stop light...his grandpa in the front seat not paying attention. Then as the light turned green, he pops up & starts waving goodbye with a big grin on his face. The weird part is that I never waved at them first. You know, how you see those typical people that run up to strangers kids saying "ga ga goo goo, awww, he's so precious" Then, I would say that deserves a wave & smile. But I just look at them wondering what they are thinking - boom! it happens again. So, it just made me curious & intrigued as to what the insight to this situation is only because its been so common recently & not in the past???? Hmmm....is it some biological clock trick or something - agh!! scary! I totally feel like Ally McBeal right now except instead of the baby dancing its waving...

Freshly Sealed Kitty Cat Food

Dear Science Diet,

I am just oh so glad (insert sarcasm here) that you have branded yourself as the premium choice for cat food & for people who love their cats to the point of getting us to spend $10 a pop for the small bag. I have now found myself meandering in the grocery store...passing by the 14 ton bags for $8.99 wondering what would happen to my little precious if I decided to "serve" this to her...would she die at a young age? would her silky coat turn ragged? would she refuse to eat to the point of sunken in cheeks & an exposed rib cage? Then, I have to pass on by because of these guilty thoughts & drive another 10 minutes out of the way to PetStore to feel like a good fur baby parent. I plop up that bag on the checkout counter to feel like "see, look at me mr. checkout person, I am a dedicated mom willing to spend extra hard earned cash to be a real responsible adult here." Then, I drive home and remind lil Halle how lucky she is to have dinner on the table and that she's not out roaming the streets for the next scrap of road kill & poison berries. I am hoping for a nice purrr,that's all.

However, I also recently noticed my latest bag purchased 9-16-08 to be exact, there has been a change in the bag? Oh my!? They have gone to the point of adding the plastic strip across the top to make it resealable. Gee, how thoughtful! No seriously, I would never want lil precious to have "stale" cat food, now would I??? I mean, someone must have actually requested this change like a cat can tell the difference. Isn't cat food nasty enough?? Plus sometimes it sits out for 2 or 3 days in the bowl anyways so what is the real difference?? I would love to have someone explain this to me. I am hoping it is for the owner's sake, really, because maybe someone requested it so they didn't have to use bag clips to seal it. For some reason I think I'm wrong...there are some strange cats out there....

Blog Fog

I was just thinking about how I haven't posted anything lately.

It's not that I have neglected to add my tid bit of the day, I would like to think it is more of a Blog Fog or call it a Flog for short...if you don't have anything worthwhile to post, don't post anything at all...I added the picture to give it the whole shibang effect!!!

I guess I'm down since I really didn't win the little contest I submitted the "mascot name" to for the local baseball team. However, the name I did submit WON...yes it won alright but did I get credit for it - NO...exactly my point, I really don't win anything ever! Not even dumb contests...well it wasn't that dumb, it had a nice trip to Portland,Oregon as the prize - rats!!! In order to make myself feel better, I am going to assume that it was rigged since the man was a wildlife biologist for the city. It sounds pretty fishy to me, if I do say so myself

Randomly random website of the Day!

Happy Monday all! I found a website a bit more bizarre than this here blog!

www.file-swap.com

So if you are as random as me, check it out. However, I do not assume responsibility upon getting addicted.

Seriously, after you submit a file from your computer you get one back from some other strange stranger's computer that they submitted. It's so weird & just plain dumb all wrapped up nice & neatly together until you stumble upon a somewhat total left park one. Then, it's kinda worth the 30 seconds of your time, kinda maybe, well for me which isn't saying much I guess. I appreciate the koo-koo abroad submissions which is where the addiction comes into play. Once you get a good one, you want to keep going to see if you can top the weirder one you just got. Anyways...

I have attached a few of my favorites. I particularly adore the man at the beach. Nothing like seeing a poor fella trying to find treasure in the sand but losing a shoe in the process...dig deeper buddy...beyond the metal bottle caps you're sure to find the pirates chest, I have faith in you!!

Then, I just threw in the bearded runner aka TeenWolf for kicks. Nothing like a jog in the mountains with a giant beard & extrememly short shorts. He might be on a man hunt for the ladies & brought along a few of his drinking buddies. Dude to the right may not make it so keep an eye on him & doesn't drop from the pack.

Okay & the last one, I have no idea...gotta love a Russian scale that you can't read...a good way to keep a positive image about yourself especially around Thanksgiving & Christmas...hey, I just ate a whole pie & now I only weigh SDFIOHNOWE - yes!!!

Pay up for that muffintop!!

This article today had me cracking up. It was about "fat" people & note that it's not spelled with a "ph" either!! And they ain't gonna go down like that...

I will highlight a few of my favorite sentences...

The state (Alabama) has given its 37,527 employees a year to start getting fit — or they’ll pay $25 a month for insurance that otherwise is free.

Alabama will be the first state to charge overweight state workers who don’t work on slimming down, while a handful of other states reward employees who adopt healthy behaviors.

Alabama already charges workers who smoke — and has seen some success in getting them to quit — but now has turned its attention to a problem that plagues many in the Deep South: obesity

“It’s terrible,” said health department employee Chequla Motley. “Some people come into this world big.” <-ain't nothing wrong with a little cushion for the pushin'

Computer technician Tim Colley already pays $24 a month for being a smoker and doesn’t like the idea of another charge. <- dang, my man gots a double whammy comin'! Richard Simmons to the rescue, please!!

“I’m big and beautiful and doing my best to keep my stress levels down so I can stay healthy,” Daufin said. “That’s big, not lazy, not a glutton and certainly not deserving of the pompous, poisonous disrespect served up daily to those of us with more bounce to the ounce.” <- you go guuurl!!

I have to admit this is a bit "big brotherish" but the fact that you're work gets involved in your caloric intake & body mass index is sad crazy eyes!!

VENT!!

Vent not like the bath fan - as in the local newspaper lets you submit vents about things that tick you off. Well, now the vent actually made it worse & I'm venting about the vent - now go figure that out! I submitted a couple lines about our local county motto "success lives here" & kinda knocked it in a witty banter. Well, others that read it online can vote & make your score go up or DOWN...Well, mine started out strong...and a couple hours later....I'm third from the bottom. I actually got got a little upset this fine Friday afternoon but no tears. Then I thought WWJD - what would Jesus do?" kidding but I did think "don't get mad, get even". So, I submitted another vent to let these fellas know, "For all of you who knocked my score down, ARGH!, you should be oh so lucky they don't post your face next to your vote" - yeaaa so there! Ahhh now I feel better, let those readers know who's boss in this town - HAVE A NICE DAY!

Blogger McBloggsy

BLOG = Web log (as in my little journal to document all the stuff no one wants to hear me talk about yet I post it to the Internet for anyone to stumble upon boredness) = Awesomely bad

And I have also recently discovered the inticing button "Next Blog" at the top of the page. How nice of Mr.Corporate McBloggersome to provide us with a link to other people's random turkish delight. I just get so frustrated when the ASn'DKR*OWeHN (foreign & uncomprehendable) ones pop up & the hieroglyphic scripture is used to describe the whatchmacallit photo - ARGH! my little overseas friends, what are you trying to relay to me????? Tell me...send me 3 smoke rings if it is important!!

Sidenote: if you stumble upon this website from hitting "next blog" - leave a comment, it would tickle my funnybone!

Grrrreat Smmooooky Mountains

Took a little getaway trip this weekend...to a place where fanny packs are rocked out & jean shorts are a plenty!! Gatlinburg,TN - a lovely little tourist trap where people watching is the most fun. I mean don't worry about packing your nice threads otherwise you actually be stared & laughed at...in the best Dolly Parton accent you'll hear the whispers of the lil country dumplins - "whur duz she thank she is??? the junior prom??" I learned reallll fast except I opted not to tease my hair!!

Then, you've heard of the phrase "they came out of the mountains"...well we went up to the mountains to mingle with the dashing tree huggers except we made the mistake of showering before we left. Went up to Clingman's Dome in the Great Smoky Mountains on the way home - saw a nice little fella I needed to snap a momento photo of...no, it's not a girl, I know it's hard to tell from behind...he's just a dude sportin' the grey hair of Rapunzel that he used to get out of his log cabin castle to take a little hike! Not sure what all he's packing in that satchel but I'm sure he's prepared to ward off any black bears with some sort of ninja star. Oh, and thank goodness he wore those socks with those sandals who knows what kind of critters might be biting at his heels!! I'm sure he only wore them for this special outing

Daily Horoscope

Ummmm...so I had an itch to look into my daily crystal ball & see all the good and/or bad I had to look forward to today. You know, how some cryptic writer decides what will happen to every single solitary Libra in the entire universe today! Even so, I always feel they have me in mind...I mean, what if no one else reads it today...then it is meant for me, right? It's like a free psychic reading.

Okay, with that being said & seeing how serious I take this insight - I had to post what it said today because after reading it, I was humorously baffled.

Libra for Aug 15, 2008
You are famously sociable, but today is almost ridiculous! Your great social energy makes you a hit with almost everyone you meet, so try to get out there and mix it up with folks a little!

Nuff said!

I mean, I could have told you that if you asked & they are right, it is almost ridiculous...I'm not just social, I'm famously sociable. However,it's almost like a 15 year old girl wrote that before she left to go to the high school pep rally. Heeeeheee!

So, I guess I shouldn't be wasting my time any more writing this - I'm using up my social energy hourglass!!!

Love me some contest entry!

I never win anything. Let me rephrase that - I never win anything & get something for free...last time I so-called "won" something was a parking pass lottery in college. Yay me, I actually get to park on campus to attend some class that I'll never benefit from ever again & pay $250 for this privaledge...Actually I was excited so I didn't have to knock other students teeth out & mud wrestle them in the dirt lot after class because we got in a fight for a parking spot! So, in that aspect I was a winner!

But in high hopes of some day winning something amazing...I will personally seek out contests via Internet or even at the local sandwich shop. Poo, no such luck! No HGTV Dream House, no free lunch...nothing. I did get excited once when I wrote to the makers of Werthers that they no longer carried the candy in Kroger nor QT & I was sadly addicted to them & needed them to replenish their stock, I got an envelope full of coupons. It was a little embarrasing redeeming them but I did. I drove out of my way to go to my non-regular Kroger, Publix like a criminal with a bad habit.

My next feat that I'm out to conquer is the naming of the new Gwinnett Braves Mascot - not because I want to be remembered as the chick who named him & go down in history, ahh who cares about that. No, because the winner gets a free trip to Portland, $200 cash, rental car, tickets to a AAA baseball game - heck ya! I'm gonna name this little gopher, beaver, groundhog looking thing & squeeze all that creative juice I got flowing out!!

So, that was the problem - they posted a cute little cartoon looking picture of this mascot & I just assumed it was some beaver or something. It had big ole teeth & brown fuzzy fur so I decided on Chopper! Good right? I mean, big teeth & chopper is a baseball term...Chipper plays on the Atlanta Braves...so I'm thinking, "I got a shot at this sucka!" Oh, then they write an article about the naming of this critter & it turns out to be some local Groundhog caracature. Yikes! Groundhogs don't have "choppers" - at least I don't think so? The picture did so it was quite decieving & I had a drop of sweat plop on my keyboard as I quickly tried to get back to the drawing board, make that re-adjusting my thinking cap!!

Then, my Gwinnett history knowledge came to the rescue...why not call him Button? Yes! Button as in Button Gwinnett - who the county was named after! I am genius...I am looking into Portland tourism & day trips. I submitted it under my fiance's name in case you can't have duplicate entries cause I wouldn't want to get disqualified now would I? Plus, since I never win anything, maybe he will win...cause he does win stuff! He's won $100 lottery tickets back to back all the way through Florida on a trip. We finally had to stop playing & cash out because we hit the Alabama border! He's won a $15,00 4 wheeler from an Equipment Leaser...I mean, we're talking good stuff here! Now watch, he'll win & become the hometown hero, get the key to the city, and some statue outside the stadium. That's okay cause in my heart, I will know, I will know, my friends and that's all that matters!!

One man's trash is another man's treasure...

So, you've heard the phrase - One man's trash is another man's treasure. Well, not in this case, my friend, sorry!

Whenever I need a 10 minute afternoon boost to get me through the rest of the day at work, I ever so quietly take a quick browsing of craigslist...ahhh...the joy of laughing at how ridiculous people can be when no one knows who they are!!

I've never seen so much crazy sh*t posted in one spot before. I mean there are certain links I don't even dare to click on in fear of what I might find (ie Personals)..I'm not even going to go there, I bet there are some creepy deepy people lurking in that area. Not that I'm looking but if it's as good as some crazy rip roaring posts in the other areas, it leads to the curiosity of the rest of the site.

The section that gives me that warm tummy feeling is all the crap posted under "Free". I think they outta post their face along with the junk they are trying to give away. I bet there'd be a lot less listings. I wouldn't dare to claim that I owned & was trying convince someone to take all my icky stuff! Seriously, it's quite hilarious. I only click on the ones with pictures because those give you the best click your heels laughter.

See EXHIBITS A,B above

A)Clock Radio - circa 1979; last dusted 1988
POSTING: Clock radio. Works great

ME: Yep, point blank that's all they could say about it - works great cause there's nothing else great about it. It just gets you up in the morning & can tell you the time and that's it! But hey it's free so you can't complain, right...how lovely! I just love how they didn't even try to polish it up for the picture. I mean, really, how hard would that have been?

B)Video Rewinder - circa I have no idea cause I've never heard of this before
POSTING:Kinyo video tape rewinder. Stops when the tape is rewound. Works fine

ME: First of all, they mentioned a brand name - why? Moving on, description is very descriptive, thank you for the information! I like how this one only "works fine" not great like the clock radio & another dirty item in their household under the free section. Nice work! I don't even think they know how funny they are...I bet you they took this serious when they listed it! I just can't even believe they took the time to do it at all.

However, they probably wonder why I even took the time to write about it. Once again, moving on!

Autoresponse

You too will think you got some crazy eyes...just when you thought that YOU have seen the greatest of all great Autoresponses via email....I just received the best.

This is coming from a legitimate manufacturer of products we represent on a serious level. Oh yes, this is real!

You will ask yourself three questions
1) Are they hiring?
2) What am I doing at work?
3) Is today opposite day?

Company 'X' will be closed Monday, August 11th, 2008 due to the observation of a Rhode Island holiday Victory Over Japan Day. Your messages and emails will be responded to promptly on Tuesday, August 12th when we return. Thank you for your understanding.

I mean I guess I would be celebrating it if I was the tiniest state in the US & I won a victory over an entire country...I'm not really sure what I am talking about here seeing as I've never heard of this victory. But, now it makes sense why Company X moved their factory from Maine....hmmm..I need to investigate this further, slackers!

Pretty Kitty

Today is Kitty Cat Appreciation Day. A day to observe all the pretty little kitties out there who bring us so much love & affection. A special thank you to you my little Halle cat. May you celebrate this purrrfect day with an extra bounce in your step & lots of sandpaper kisses!!

8-8-08

Today's freaky-deeky date. Well,I don't really know why it's freaky-deeky, it's just the same number repeated thrice (like that word, me too)...It's not like I'm suddenly going to become some totally outrageous superhero for the day like She-Ra & defy gravity. I already tried & I've got 2 skinned kneecaps & a killer black eye right now! Argh! Maybe that's what I'll do instead...run around with a patch over my eye, buy a stuffed parrot to put on my shoulder (cause a real one would just fly away), and act like a sexy lady pirate! Eww yea, that sounds that sounds like a good Friday night plan!

But, I need to incorporate an Asian theme to it. Since 8 is their uber lucky number & if I want to win that jackpot lotto tonight I better order some Poo Poo Platter & a dozen fortune cookies to consume that lucky energy. I don't think overusing the eyeliner to create a slant eye effect & talking in broken English will bring me much prosperity...I would tend to think it would bring the reverse & Lord knows I don't need that! My credit card has smoke rising off it from being swiped so much lately - shoo-weee!

This is just meant to be a random daily comment rant, rave or just plain idiotic statement...

Crazy Eyes...inspired from the character in the movie Mr.Deeds

Not to be confused with the Runaway Bride chick from Gainesville, sorry Jennifer Wilbanks - we are over you & your crazy eyes!

See picture for visual explanation...